School is Avery’s happy safe place. So for her to come home the other day, distraught and scared and worried about going back, it was upsetting. This is the story of her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
*Content Warning: Not for kids. Violence.
Lisa: Today’s episode is short but sweet. In fact it’s not all that sweet. I’d say it’s more bitter sweet. Heavy on the bitter. But less bitter, more sad. Justifiably so.
This episode is just a little summation of Avery‘s day. Her terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
You know that book that was turned into a movie? The one with Jennifer (Garner!), you know the one.
Avery knows that I am sharing this with you and she’s OK with it. But she doesn’t really want to chat about it here on the podcast. And I think that’s wise. The more she talks about it, the more upset she gets about it. She and I have talked about it. Over a doughnut. A s’mores doughnut. From Tim Hortons. Have you tried one of those? It’s ridiculous.
Anyway, let’s just get right into it.
Intro and music.
And just before we get started there’s a content warning. This episode is not meant for the kiddos. It’s meant for the mamas and the Papas. Not the musical group from the 60s. Haha. Did you know Mama Cass did not actually die from choking on a ham sandwich as we’ve all come to believe? Totally false. Made up. But I have to say, as a mom who is hyper focussed on choking, as you may have heard in a previous episode about choking. I’ve thought about that story often.
This has nothing to do with anything. What was I even saying?
Avery is such a happy kid. Especially when she’s at school. We have nothing but positive and grateful comments about her school situation. It’s wonderful. I don’t think she’s ever come home from school sad. Until the other day.
Here’s what happened.
Avery woke up Monday morning with a bit of a scratchy throat. Of course, in the era of a pandemic, the scratchy throat might not just be a scratchy throat, or allergies or a run-of-the-mill cold. It could possibly be the c-word. So far family has been lucky and have avoided that nasty little bugger. But it seems that one of Avery‘s classmates, someone she sits next to, was home with Covid so if it walks like a duck and coughs like a duck…
So I kept her home to be safe. It turns out she was just dehydrated. After a drink of water she felt completely fine. Plus she had zero symptoms. But I tested her anyway because I tend to do that a lot too and of course she was negative so I was confident we were all good. I decided to keep her home anyway. I don’t know why. I just did. We had a lovely girls day and it was chill.
The next day she woke up and her teeth hurt. She had just had her braces tightened and it was uncomfortable to chew. Man it hurts. I remember getting my braces tightened as a kid. I used to take the 321 bus from White Rock to New Westminster to my orthodontist who would tighten the crap out of my face. It hurt! I was 15 and I met this 21 year old guy on the bus. I gave him my number. I’m lucky I’m alive to tell the tale. Anyway. She couldn’t even eat her mushy oatmeal. I didn’t love the idea of her missing a second day of school, but I just had a niggling feeling that maybe I would keep her home. I didn’t want to send her to school without eating. And it was an obnoxiously hot day. 39°C to be exact. Which is so freaking weird for May. Like scary weird. And her school is very old and the air conditioner, even when it works, Doesn’t do much. I didn’t like the idea of her sweltering and getting dehydrated. So I made the call. She would be staying home for a second day. We did up having quite a lovely girls day. We did some gardening and some chores and she came with me to my hair appointment and she snuck in a haircut of her own. We did some shopping and made our way home for a late lunch.
Then my friend Sarah called. I could tell by her voice there was something going on. She asked me casually… Casually-ish… If Avery was home with me. I told her that Avery hadn’t actually gone into school today. She said, oh thank God. Their school, because her son goes to school with Avery, is in full lockdown.
The kids and teachers were locked in their classrooms, their sweltering hot classrooms, with papered over windows, hiding from a possible threat. There are reports of an Armed male on or near school property.
I wanted to puke.
The world is still reeling from the massacre in Texas. I think we’re all still processing how something like that could happen.
In a week ago that man carrying a BB gun through a neighbourhood near a school that was shot and killed. And then even more recently, kids with BB guns go to school in Toronto. What the hell kids? Honestly, what is happening?
So to have this situation unfolding, so incredibly close to home, was so freaking scary.
normally at this time I would be sitting in my car in the little parking lot behind the school waiting for Avery to come out the door with her EA.
But instead she was safe at home with me. And I felt so grateful but also guilty. So many of my friends kids go to Avery school. And they were at home or on a side street as close as they could get to the school, waiting for news of their child.
The school went into lockdown at 2:30 PM. Students weren’t released until 330. An hour of waiting and worrying.
Outside of an email from the school board advising parents of the lockdown, the rest of the news was coming from inside the school. Kids texting their parents or posting to Twitter.
The next I heard there was a SWAT team at the school, armed with rifles. I don’t know if that was true. But there were definitely police on the scene searching for the gunman.
They found the kid with a gun. It was a replica. Not a real gun at all. I don’t have the details I know the backstory yet. I heard something about rival groups of kids in some kind of fight. Apparently one kid brought a bag full of knives and wrenches? And this other complete dumbass brought a replica gun.
Regardless of whether the weapons were there where the gun was real, the tear and the panic felt by parents and students and staff was very real.
There was a flurry of texts flying from parent to parent as you can imagine.
Aside from the fear there was a tone of utter disbelief. How could something like this happen here? Do you live in Canada. This can’t happen here.
Well of course I know it’s gonna happen here. I can happen anywhere. But the one difference, the most significant difference is that in Canada 18-year-old kids can’t go to the store and buy a gun.
I saw this meme on Instagram the other day. It was something about let’s pay homage to the children who put their lives on the line every day at school so that we can keep our guns.
Something like that. It was meant to be a joke. But not a funny ha ha joke. More like a, this whole thing is a joke.
Anyway, everybody was safe. They caught the guy with a gun and had him in custody. And kids were returned home safely to their families. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
So flash forward to the next day. The day after lockdown. Avery was anxious to get back to school after being off for two days in a row. She loves school. It really is her happy place.
On the way to school, I had to tell her a modified version of what her friends had experienced the day before. I need it would be talking about it and I needed her to be prepared.
So I just told her that there was a lock down and asked if she remembered what that meant. And she did. Because they have practiced. Which is so sad. I know it’s necessary, but what the hell?
And I told her there were some kids who made a very bad decision. They brought dangerous things to school in their backpack and scared everybody. Teachers had to call the police to come and get it sorted. And to make sure that everybody was safe. Which they were. But some of her Friends were upset about it. Because they couldn’t go home from school right away. And they had to wait. And it made them nervous. So if any of her friends seemed anxious today, that is why. So maybe she could just give them a hug and tell them it’s going to be OK. Because everyone really is safe. There’s nothing to worry about.
She listened and nodded and did not seem at all concerned. She said she would be a good friend and help anybody who was sad. Of course she would.
I’m not gonna lie, I felt sick after I drove away after dropping her off. As I pulled out of the parking lot I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Not just about what happened with the lockdown but just all of it. How scary the world feels and how no matter what we do, we can’t always protect our kids 100%. I felt very vulnerable.
I was distracted all day. I couldn’t get anything done.
I got to school early and passed three large police cruisers as I backed my car into my usual waiting spot.
Avery came out her usual door a few minutes earlier than usual. Her EA, he usually waves from the door walked with Avery right up to my car door. I could see she had something to tell me.
First of all, I can’t say enough about Avery‘s teachers and EAS. They are incredible human beings. They’re the type of teachers who teach because they love it and because they love the kids.
How scared must they have felt during The lockdown? As a teacher and a parent myself, it makes me sick just thinking about how they must’ve been feeling for those 60 minutes.
If anyone dares to say a negative thing about teachers or how they have such a cushy job or how they get summers off or anything like that, they better watch themselves.
Anyway, Mrs. H told me that Avery had a rough day. She said that the level of anxiety in the classroom was high. The kids were shaken. Obviously. Totally understandable. And then there was a thunderstorm and one of Avery‘s friends was breaking down, very afraid. And then Avery‘s other very good friend had a seizure. Mrs. H said that that really scared Avery. She wanted to help her friend but didn’t know how.
All of that, combined, was just too much for her little empathetic heart. She had what sounds like a little panic attack. She was short of breath and sweaty and distraught. Mrs. H took her out of the classroom and had her sit against the cool cement wall. And she sat with her until she calmed down.
Avery may have been spared the trauma of the lockdown, but she didn’t come away completely unscathed.
It took me a while to calm her down in the car. And so I did what any parent would do, I used a distraction technique in the way of a donut. I said, let’s go to the store and look at toys and clothes and get a donut. I was like, does that sound like something you’d like to do?
And she was like, yes please. In the sweetest voice.
And then in typical Avery fashion, she apologized. She said, mom, I’m really sorry. But when I was hot and crying I took off my mask. I was too hot.
Oh my God. I told her of course she should takeoff her mask. I have told her in the past, that in phys ed or if she’s ever feeling overheated to just take it off. The risk of overheating and just the inconvenience and discomfort of it, is worse in my opinion, than stupid freaking Covid.
And so, we browsed through the clothes and bought some nail polish and she bought herself a donut.
I asked her if maybe she’d like to take the day off tomorrow. Her favourite EA will be away tomorrow and maybe it might be wise to take a mental health day. We’ll see how she feels in the morning.
I don’t really have any epiphanies or big ideas to share today. Sometimes I think a podcast should have structure and a purpose, but sometimes it’s just for mom sharing feelings about A terrible, rotten, very bad day.
Take care of each other stay safe. I feel like I’ve been saying that since the pandemic began. But it feels like we’re dodging more than just the virus now.
I know that’s not the case. People are loving and kind. And the world is a beautiful place. I just feel a little guarded that our children I’ve been through so much already, and now they have to deal with feeling unsafe in their happy place.
Taking a cue from last weeks episode, about perspective, I am trying to have empathy for the child that set this lockdown in motion. I mean, I’m pissed at him. But I’m also trying to imagine what kind of toll pandemic and other circumstances have had on his mental health to get him to this place. I feel for him and I feel for his parents.
Thanks for listening and join us next week. I’ll be talking about something a little less deep and dark…lying to our children. You don’t wanna miss that. Haha.
Bye for now!