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My daughter is CHATTY. There’s rarely a moment of silence with her around unless—
a) she has a mouthful of food (we’re constantly reminding her to “swallow first, then speak.“)
b) she’s sleeping (though she talks in her sleep a fair bit).
c) I’m brushing her teeth but even then, she manages to hum.
d) she’s absorbed in sending a text (which is essentially digital talking) or watching TV.
Her chattiness is amazing considering her profound speech delay. Perfectly formed sentences be dammed, if she makes an observation or has a question, you’re going to hear about it.
She might know what she wants to say, but finding the right words can be a struggle. I’m having a similar issue at the moment. I’m forgetting the names of simple household items and stumbling over my words. Turns out this is a very real and very annoying side effect of peri-menopause. Oh hoorah, good times ahead.
Anyway, I get it. It’s incredibly frustrating to know what you want to say, but due to wonky wiring between the word bank in your head and your mouth, the words escape you.
As Avery’s family, we almost always know what she’s trying to say and we usually let her finish on her own. Unless I’m running late and speed her along by completing her sentence for her. I do that sometimes. I’m not proud of it, but sometimes I just need to get out the freaking door in a timely manner.
Other times I start some of her sentences for her. This isn’t me rushing her along in this case. We’ve found it helps to start her off, especially on days when she’s tired or distracted.
When she’s stuttering at the beginning of a thought (this happens when she’s struggling to find the next word) I’ll sometimes jump in to “kickstart” her sentence.
For example:
Mom: “Avery, what would you like for breakfast?”
Avery: “I, I, I, like….I, I, I….wwwwww”
Mom: “I would like…”
Avery: “I would like oatmeal please. I loooooooove oatmeal. Can I have blueberries on top please?”
She hears the words and repeats them, adding on her own words to complete the sentence. It doesn’t always work, but often a little push at the front end helps her over the sticky bit, allowing the rest of the words to flow more easily.
This is why I started a simple sentence for her at the grocery checkout the other day. Taking Avery shopping with me after a long day at school, when she was tired and hungry, wasn’t ideal.
When the cashier asked my daughter, “What’s your name?” and Avery began to stammer her reply I jumped in and said, “My name is…” I did it for the reasons above.
Avery didn’t get a chance to reply because the cashier admonished my behaviour with a sharp, “Let her SPEAK mum!”
Sidenote: Don’t call a stranger “mum.” You don’t know if I’m her mother or an aunt or caregiver. You know what they say about what happens when you assume… you make and ASS out of U and ME. She was the ass in this scenario.
I was about to respond when she added, “She can speak for herself,” shaking her head at me.
Seriously?
She asked Avery again, “Go ahead sweetheart. What’s your name?”
I snapped. I got right up in her face and said in a low growl, “You foolish woman. You have no idea what you’re talking about. She can speak for herself? What a stupid thing to say. Do you even know how difficult it is to watch my child struggle to find the words? I’m not an overbearing parent who speaks for her child on a whim. I’m trying to help her. And by the way, don’t ask a child to tell you their name. That’s none of your business. Stranger danger much? Kindly eff off. Oh, and I’m going to need some grocery bags. I forgot my reusable ones at home.”
Okay, fine. I didn’t say any of that. Even though I wanted to jab her with the plastic stick that separates customer’s groceries on the conveyor belt, I didn’t poke her or tell her off. Instead I let Avery speak for herself. And I have to say, she got it all out perfectly.
We paid for our groceries and left and I fumed all the way home. I’m not sure if I was more annoyed with a stranger for making assumptions and judgements about my daughter and about my parenting. Or, if I was angry at myself for letting her ruffle my feathers and for not setting her straight. Or maybe I was upset because she touched a nerve? Perhaps I do jump in more often than I should, justifying it as me “helping her.” I don’t know. Self-reflection is a bitch.
We’re going shopping there again this week and if that cashier is working, Avery and I will be lining up in her lane. Now that I’ve composed myself, I’d like a do-over. And this time, if necessary, I’ll use my words.
“I speak lots of languages. English, French, Chinese. A little bit. And sign language.”
Yep…to all of it. Been there, done that. I no longer care what others think though. And if they say something ableist or judgey or completely ignorant, I tend to smile and nod. I’m too tired to explain most times. The odd time, I will try to gently explain but only if I feel that person is open to hearing. Anyhoo, It’s a tricky balance eh?! Between helping your child be heard and seeing when they are struggling and wanting some support AND zipping your lips and letting them be heard and encouraging them to try even if they are struggling.
I hate the grocery store sometimes because the cashiers are always in a hurry and if they ask her a question and she’s trying to answer, they get impatient and then look to me to answer. Sigh. Ok, i really need to get back to work. I came here to download your calendar because it’s awesome, then started reading all. your posts. You are an excellent and entertaining writer. I don’t have time for this though…this would count as ME time, I do not have time for me time today. I’ll be back!