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I wrote that title when I was overtired and loopy, obviously. But, unlike my pants these days, I think it’s fitting since the topic here is… being an emotional sponge. Otherwise known as an empath. Or a highly sensitive person. Whatever you want to call it, we spongy folks soak up energy and emotions around us. I tend to sop it all up until I’m so heavy I can barely move. Hence the tight pants. I haven’t exercised in weeks. I’m doing the bare minimum over here these days. But I think that’s okay. To a point anyway.
Life is angsty for pretty much every human on the planet right now. I don’t know one person who isn’t going through something. Some really big things too. I can’t remember a time in my lifetime when the world was hurting like this collectively.
Closer to home, I’ve written (or spoken) the words, “So sorry for your loss” or “Just checking in” or “Thinking of you” or “Are you OK??”” more times this past few months than I have in my whole life.
Social media and the Internet has extended our communities. We know and care about people far beyond our inner circles. So not only are we worried about close friends and family, there’s now a sense of responsibility for thousands upon thousands of people.
I thought I was coping well with it all, but then the other day a friend sent me a text and turned the tables on me. She said she was worried about me and my mental health. At first I was like, “What?! I’m totally fine!” My signature response.
But when I gave it some thought, I realized she was right. I did some hard thinking about the source of my increased anxiety and insomnia and general malaise. Yes, there are big things going on in the world that everyone is upset about. And yes menopause is conspiring against me. But, the world isn’t going to suddenly improve anytime soon, so I need to figure this out.
I’m the mom. I set the tone around my house. So when I’m worried or apathetic or when my sponge runneth over, my kids notice. And their little sponges take on water too. Especially Avery. I have a plan though. Well, it’s more a course of action. It’s equal parts fake it ’til you make it and walk the talk and do the actual work.
For me, the work is based on the following conclusions.
These conclusions are…
1. I’m too accessible. When others are having a hard time, it becomes my hard time. Of course this doesn’t apply to my besties and the family I love. Their hard time IS my hard time. It’s what families do. But, the friends of friends are on their own, for now. I’m really sorry if your cousin’s ex-wife’s neighbour’s dog died, but I can’t absorb that right now. Does that sound awful? Okay, now I’m worried that sounds cold. See? This is what I’m dealing with. My boundaries are like sugar walls in a rainstorm. I’ve always had a difficult time setting solid boundaries—in terms of how much energy I share with others. I don’t actually know how to fix that but, one thing I’m doing is putting some distance between me and my forever dinging and buzzing phone. The less I look at my email and texts and social DMs, the more I can focus on what is happening in real time, and the less I’ll be tempted to check in on the cousin’s ex-wife’s neighbour.
2. The Internet and the news are too much. I do believe it’s important to have an idea of what is going on around us and in the world in general, but I also think it’s acceptable to sometimes bury our heads in the sand and take a little break. Which is what I’ve been doing the past few days. No newsfeeds, no radio, no headlines at all. When I’m online it’s purely for silly fun. When I see a political headline, I scroll past as fast as can be. And it’s been delightful. Although that said, check out the first word in my last ‘relaxing’ Scrabble game. Lol! It seems I can’t get away from it.
3. I don’t need to share every thought and feeling I’m having. It’s good to have discussions to get things off your chest, but it doesn’t always serve us. The other day I had a conversation with a friend about a global issue. When I realized we didn’t share the same opinion, I got upset. It had nothing to do with her at all. It’s absolutely okay to disagree. What I realized is that when people don’t have the same passion or opinions as me, I take it personally. Which doesn’t get me anywhere. But more than that, it’s not fair for me to dump my concerns onto somebody else so I can give myself a momentary reprieve by sharing the load. My son saw me getting all riled up and frothy over a political hot topic the other day and he said, “Mum, why don’t you leave the big fights for other people? The ones who aren’t as sensitive and you just focus on what YOU can do and maybe let them worry about the big stuff.” Um, this kid is way more insightful than I ever was at his age. Or even now.
So, I’ve turned off the news feeds. I’m listening to upbeat music. I’m reading an inspiring fictional novel. I’m only allowing happy news into my eyeballs. I run like the wind when news of the pandemic or rising numbers or anti-VAX or‘s or climate change or violent attacks cross my path. It’s only shiny happy people for me right now. I’m an emotion sponge… Sponge Lisa Tight Pants to be precise (ironically, I’m eating a slice of strawberry rhubarb pie as I’m writing this.. 100%. true fact and not a jaunty embellishment. I’m also wearing stretchy workout pants specifically for the lycra).
Avery and I shared some of the random little things in our daily lives that make us happy. You can have a listen to this joyfully obscure list on our most recent podcast offering… EPISODE 21: Happy Cute Things Are Everywhere.
I’ve been using this technique (along with these breathing techniques) and I’m finding it to be quite effective for stress relief.
