Keep Your Judgement To Yourself—You Don’t Know Their Story

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This “Humpty Dumpty Moment” took place quite a few years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Not the little details, but the overall angsty feeling it left behind. Like a rotten core memory. Which is funny because it happened at an apple farm.

This fruit farm corn maze place called FrootToGo was the scene of a sweet fun family outing. I was there with my daughter Avery. She was about six or seven at the time. She was in her element with the wide open spaces, lots of people around, and things to climb and explore.

After we ran through the corn maze and picked a pumpkin, she wanted to climb the rickety wooden play structure near the entrance. Cool. But what was not cool, at all, was when she got to the top of this rickety thing, and I’m serious, it was rickety, and dangerous for kids like mine with balance and mobility issues, I experienced an unsolicited judgement from another mother.

Side note, we were there again this fall and for fun I got her to climb to the exact same spot to pose for a photo (the one used above in this post). I wasn’t worried this time because she’s stronger and now understands concepts like, “Holding on” and “Being aware of her surroundings (mostly).”

Back then, Avery’s balance was dicey and she didn’t understand the concept of danger, at all. She stood on top of the platform while I hovered underneath like the self professed bubble wrapper I am. A mother of a toddler who is also climbing the structure kept staring at me. At first I thought maybe it was because I looked really cute in my plaid shirt and hiking boots. But then she said, all judgey and condescending, “You just need to relax.” Telling somebody to relax almost always has the complete opposite result. 

I couldn’t believe a complete stranger, without even knowing me or my daughter or our situation, would have the nerve not only to judge us. I mean, we all judge, that’s a given. But for her to actually verbalize her judgment and spit it at me? Not cool fellow mother.

I wish I could say I told her off or at least set her straight. But she caught me off guard and her words struck my right in my most insecure place. I was too stunned to say anything. I just blushed and said nothing. That’s the way I used to roll.

Well, imagine this woman’s surprise when not a minute later, Avery stepped backwards flipped over the side of the structure and came falling to the ground. But since I was waiting and watching, I caught her in my arms like some kind of circus act. Tah-freaking-dah.

With Avery in my arms, I turned to this woman and said something to the effect of, “And THIS is why I stand underneath my child.” Bam! Okay, it wasn’t exactly a stinger, but she got the point. 

We might question other people’s parenting. And I use the term “might” loosely, but we all kind of do. In our own insecurity around our parental choices, we observe and often make judgements about other people’s parenting choices. And usually we think we know better.

But even when we don’t agree, we need to remember that we never know the behind the scenes. So next time you’re wondering what is up with the way a mom is mothering or a dad is daddying, try to remember that you don’t know their story. And if you still feel the need to judge. Keep it to yourself.