|
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
On a SDW (socially distanced walk…new acronym alert) with a neighbour the other night I told her this story. I thought I’d dig it up and share it again here because retelling it after all these years still made me laugh.
Originally Posted May 23, 2012 (Time flies and… I’ve since changed my cell phone ring to the relief of pretty much everyone around me).
I hurt my back last week. Wearing flip flops. You know you’re old when…
My crooked spine is now in the firm hands of my chiropractor, “Dr. Al Lignment.” After a few adjustments and a significant amount of yelling, I seemed to be BACK to normal. Relatively speaking.
I walked into the chiro office for my next appointment like the biped I was born to be. It felt great to be able to walk again without cursing; quite a nice relief for everyone within ear shot really.
As I jumped up onto the torture table (Al says he doesn’t like it when I call it that, but I know he’s kidding. Quite a sense of humour that guy. Totally cracks me up. #ChiroPun) I announced, “My back is totally better!!”
“No, no it’s not,” Al replied.
Apparently I’m not some kind of miracle case and my back, though now realigned, still needs time to fully heal. Bah.
It’s not that I don’t enjoying visiting Al. He’s cool. And I’m not afraid of the spinal maneuvers. Actually, I am, but I’m trying to sound brave. Just the idea of the neck cracking makes me sweat. But what I find most distressing is the time and the cost involved. Also, having to bring along my five year old is rather painful.
Yesterday as I lay on the table, hooked up to a machine by wires stuck to my lower back sending electrical pulses into my decrepit muscles, my daughter announced she had to pee. Of course.
She may have mentioned it earlier, but due to a rash of “cry wolf” incidents, I ignored her warnings.
Trapped, like a taser victim, I lay helpless on the table watching as my child peed her pants. And the carpet. Just then my cell phone rang, just out of reach. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you I have my phone set to the loudest, most annoying ring possible, deliberately chosen to ensure I never miss a call. You can hear this ring tone from three miles away.
I urged Avery to fetch mummy’s phone, but since her pants were around her ankles, she was temporarily hobbled. My phone, turned up to max volume rang and rang. The annoying clang filled my ears, the room and echoed down the hallway. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice outside our door exclaim, “Oh..my..god…what an awful ring.” I can only assume she meant my phone. However, the receptionist DID just get engaged…
What have I learned from this?
- Flips Flops are Satan’s sandals.
- Stretch every day!
- Wear fancy underpants when you go to a chiropractor. You’re gonna feel old enough getting your spine cracked so you don’t need granny pants confirming your age.
- When your child says they need to go, listen.
- Pack extra underwear for your child (and possibly yourself) and bring it with you wherever you go.
- Being a vertebrate is hard work.
*Note from 2012 Lisa to 2021 Lisa… you are going to trade in your tiny, light-weight rarely ever used except for actual phone calls archaic flip phone for a giant iPhone+. You’re going to use and abuse this mega cell phone, not for phone calls anymore because in 2021 people don’t actually speak to one another directly. People in the future text or use video calling. People in the future live and work on their phones. Smart phones will become an extension of our arms and… not only will you have spine problems, you will also develop a shoulder injury that will require physio. Holding your stupid heavy mind numbing phone 24/7 will hurt you. You have been warned.
“I don’t remember that at all. That’s funny. But I don’t like that ring. It’s way too loud. I have a phone with good rings. I’ll show you. I go to the chiropractor with dad on Saturdays.”
For years my ring tone was a “baby cackle/laugh”. I could hear that in the midst of a deep sleep or even with a heavy metal band playing at full volume. My text notification is still the sound of a “caffinated snake”. I’m so petrified by snakes that a single rattle gets my attention every time lol.
Caffeinated snake? Okay, you KNOW I’m going to go look that one up right now. LOL!